Vulnerability
by ChocMochi
Summary: Xanxus is prone to nightmares too. XS Unbeta'ed, slight OOC, Rated T for language


Xanxus leaned back in his armchair, a wine glass in his hand as he fiddled with the glass stem. It was a peaceful today, surprisingly enough. No knives came crashing through his window, none of the idiots had come barging through his door, nor had he heard any loud shouts coming from his right-hand man. It was odd, to say the least. But nevertheless, he brushed it aside and merely saw it as Squalo supposedly giving his vocal chords a deserved break or finally realizing how irritating his yelling was sometimes (although it was most likely the former).

Strangely enough, just as that had come to Xanxus' mind, he heard an oddly polite knock on his door which indeed piqued his curiosity. He snarled, "What do you want?" - His way of telling the person to enter.

It was Squalo.

Xanxus did not turn his chair to face him up until the other had walked in, for the rain poured spontaneously which did surprise Xanxus a bit. It had been sunny and slightly cloudy, yes, but it was not cloudy enough to insinuate any rain or storms. Seeing as though there was not much more of a sight to look at, he turned his chair to meet the eyes of the all too familiar shark.

"Boss- well… Yeah, boss." Squalo said, with great hesitance which seemed to annoy Xanxus.

"... What do you want?"

"I want to…" Squalo took a deep and quite dragged out sigh. "Tell you something important."

Xanxus felt slightly anxious although that was quickly overridden by irritation and impatience. "Well, then? Spit it out, trash!"

As though Squalo had never heard that name used towards him or as though he had never known Xanxus personally, Squalo glowered slightly at Xanxus although he quickly replaced that expression with one of regret and his own impatience as he, not for a second, dared to break eye contact with Xanxus.

"Well, Xanxus," Squalo spat, "After this time I've spent with you, and don't even try and mock me for my words… I," He breathed in again, "have come to accept that I can never please you. By that I do not mean physically, for I know just how insatiable you are and I have come to challenge that. What I am trying to say is, voi, I don't want to work for you anymore."

Xanxus got up from his seat slowly and the glare never seemed to leave his face although it did well to hide his fear. "What."

Squalo's face did not show a sense of discouragement and his voice only rose from this moment on. "I can no longer tolerate the abuse that you give me nor can I allow you to indulge in humiliating and degrading me. Your anger and pride is what attracted me to you but," His face only hardened as he clenched his sword tightly, "To have you demean and devalue a person out of anger is not what I expect of a man of pride."

Xanxus's face contorted in anger and confusion. After all, this was his right-hand man, the one who has promised to show complete loyalty for god knows how long and he was just going to break that goddamn promise? "You better shut your mouth now, Superbi Squalo!" He said quite loudly, his voice most likely carrying to all parts of the mansion. It had become so silent, Xanxus could hear the hushed whispers coming from downstairs and outside his door - of course they were eavesdropping.

Then a chuckle broke through the silence. "You just don't get it, do you, Xanxus? It's over. You'll never become the Vongola's Decimo. Not now, not in another life, not in a life where I actually like you."

Xanxus, feeling utterly betrayed and angry, picked up his gun and pointed it at Squalo, not hesitating to shoot at the person who, in under five minutes, broke the trust Xanxus had for him. The trust Xanxus was scared to give.

But before Xanxus was able to shoot, Squalo lifted his sword and with a swift movement-

The boss' eyes widened at the long strands of silver and white that fell quietly and softly to the floor - despite this, each hair that fell seemed to act as a knife that went straight through Xanxus' chest. One. At. A. Time.

"It's over now, Xanxus. Goodbye."

Goodbye? Squalo said goodbye?

Goodbye…

Good...boy…

Good-voi?

Voi?

"...voi…"

"Voi!" Xanxus' eyes shot open as he sat up in his position in bed, before looking around at his surroundings. It was dark, believably a few hours after midnight, the moon seemed to be the only source of light in that bedroom (and judging from the furniture, Xanxus' room) but the main aspect of that room which made him relax just a bit was the presence of Squalo.

"Voi, what the hell is wrong with you, you were grunting so much in your sleep, you sounded like an animal in hea-!" Squalo was swiftly cut off by a kiss placed upon his lips, rough, possessive and pleading.

Before he could understand what the hell had just happened, Xanxus slumped his head over Squalo's shoulders, his arm gripping onto the other's - as though he hadn't held him in years. Decades, even.

"Voi, boss, what happened to you?" He asked, deciding to take a more lighter approach in terms of his questioning. Squalo dared not move while Xanxus was busy holding him in a tight and slightly uncomfortable embrace, the only thing that motivated Squalo to do so was his boss' fast heartbeat which was seeming to calm down as the minutes passed.

"You okay, now?" Squalo tried to ask in the least impatient way possible and Xanxus only proceeded to put his arms around Squalo's waist, holding him even closer.

"... … … … you." Xanxus mumbled.

"What?"

"I said I thought ... … you."

"You're going to have to try a bit better than that, boss."

"I said I thought I lost you, god fucking damn it!" Xanxus yelled, not too quietly, and now he was sure he had woken up the entire mansion. Dreams or real life, he was always disturbing peace somehow. "I dreamt you… cut your hair and you were gonna leave me, you tras-. Trash." Xanxus then cursed under his breath, for even showing that hint of weakness in his speech.

Squalo held up his hand and hesitated a bit before experimentally placing his hand on Xanxus' hair. When the other hadn't made a move to hurt him physically, Squalo thread his hands through his hair, the quickening heartbeat of the Varia boss slowing down to an even pace.

"You said somethin' like losing respect and not liking me and how I'm never gonna become Decimo, and I didn't like that." Xanxus growled in anger although he was more angry about everything but the Decimo comments, his grip continuing to tighten, his heartbeat beginning to quicken once more. Squalo noticed this so he leaned down a bit to embrace the other in the cold darkness, the only sound audible was the sound of a calm heartbeat and a terrified one. "I was about to shoot you, I was going to kill you. Destroy you."

Squalo tried to hold back a sigh. He didn't find this troublesome in the least but he was having a bit difficulty in breathing and the more frequent this happened, the less sleep had got. "Xanxus, you know I'll stay loyal to you. I've made it clear to you and you've made sure to make it clear to me."

Then another silence enveloped the room which had seemed to calm Xanxus as he himself was enveloped in the warmth that was Squalo. "...'m sorry."

"Boss, you need to stop mumbling."

"I said I'm sorry. For calling you trash, for treating you trash, for making you feel like trash. I'm sorry." Xanxus almost spat at the sound of an apology at his tongue, but he felt it needed to be said. Perhaps, he thought, the gods were testing him and if he were to fail the test, he'd be sent back to that nightmare, to a world without Squalo. "Please don't never leave me." His voice was frail and was on the verge of breaking, had he not the strong sense of dignity which forbade his voice to crack or anything pathetic like that.

Squalo blinked as he looked ahead, the room in his line of vision as well as Xanxus' back as he slumped over him. He turned his head and looked at the tuffs of Xanxus' hair. He had never heard a man filled with pride and dignity sound so… weak and desperate. He wasn't used to it. It had hardly ever happened before and it wasn't the Xanxus he knew. But after all… he was only human. Having these kinds of weaknesses were inevitable. It seemed the strong-headed Varia boss was unsuccessful in evading it.

He huffed before trying to push Xanxus away. "Voi, boss. C'mon." He gripped his boss' shoulders before looking straight into his dulling red eyes. "You need to stop thinking of this shit. That was a dream, okay? Maybe a goddamn nightmare. This is reality. No matter what fucking reason I may have in wanting to leave you, I never will. Not because of this goddamn hair promise or you being an aggressive asshole or you becoming the fucking Decimo but it's because I love you."

The words slipped out so quickly that it had surprised the both of them - especially Squalo. A tint of red appeared on his face while a playful smirk threatened to surface on Xanxus' face. "S-so, don't fucking scare me like that again! I'm going back to sleep!"

Squalo removed his hand before lying back down on the bed, facing away from Xanxus who - if Squalo had taken the time to see him - was feeling more than a little relieved at that confession before lying down next to Squalo who still held onto his other hand with his real and warm hand. Xanxus grunted before nuzzling his face into Squalo's neck before breathing in the soft and calming scent.

"Same. I mean I love you too, trash." He mumbled before he drifted into a more pleasant and calming sleep.


End file.
